was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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