just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
