Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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