I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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