Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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