it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize