there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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