Im at strip club and am horny
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
