I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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