508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
