3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
