found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
