Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize