Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
