I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
