He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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