she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
