i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How external is "for external use only"?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize