dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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