He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
