You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
