So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
