come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
