tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
