You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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