that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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