Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
