babies were throwing up all over the place
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
