Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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