Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
