I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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