There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
