I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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