Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
