I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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