I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
