I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
