my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
