remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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