It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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