He told me they were just razor bumps!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
