Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
