Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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