This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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