with your own penis?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
