Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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