Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
