I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize