Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just pee around me
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
