she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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