haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
