i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
