Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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