Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
