Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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