I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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