well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize