it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just invented taco cereal.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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