I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
