Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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