I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
