just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize