some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
