I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
