Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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