I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
