im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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