I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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