It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
