I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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