apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
tell your sister to shave her snatch
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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