dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
