I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
