My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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