my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize