Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
