Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
