about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
