i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
