she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think your dad took our porno
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The Olympian is in my bed
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
