walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
