guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
