I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
