Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I could fuck to npr.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
