You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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