i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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