Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize