Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
