Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
