Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
