I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
