There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
