one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
