Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
