Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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