i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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