That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
