I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
