i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
