please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
